News of the Weird

Five articles about Aliens

By Claire Tierney

Gullible government

Mr. Montgomery, a small time gambler and alien abduction veteran, sold the United States some bogus defense software for $20 million. Montgomery convinced the FBI and CIA that his presumably alien proof software could detect “secret Al-Qaeda messages embedded in video pixels on Al Jazeera’s news website.” As of now, Montgomery has not been charged with wrongdoing by the US government and is not likely to be, as apparently the agencies do not want to publicize their gullibility.

UFO’s repel voters

After Ruth Parks lost the election for treasurer of Horseshoe Bend, Ark., she sued on grounds that there was a conspiracy by the mayor and police chief. The court turned the appeal down, concluding that the voters, and not her conspiracy, were responsible for her defeat. Her loss has been attributed to her well known belief in aliens and UFO’s, as well as her and her husband’s conflicting views on the subject. She insists that she has not been abducted by aliens, while her husband insists that she had been, many times, and that they left scars.

Alien house party

Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, Governor of the Russian republic Kalmykia, reported on television that he was abducted in a space ship in 1997 and forced to communicate telepathically with aliens, and then later “entertained some in his apartment.” A crisis immediately emerged in which concern over the protection of state secrets arose. Next, concern over Ilyumzhinov’s chess skills arose, as he was a world champion at the time. Amidst all this madness, President Medvedev’s chief economic advisor, also a chess stud himself, supported UFO stricken Ilyumzhinov, calling to attention his “superior managerial talent.” Continue reading

Leader of the week: Allegra Marra

Leader of the Week is brought to you by Gryphon and Pleiades Honor Society, which is awarded to 12 seniors who personify the Gryphon and Pleiades motto, “Scholarship, Leadership, and Citizenship,” as demonstrated by outstanding achievement in academics, extracurricular activities, and community service.

The following is the nomination letter submitted  by Siobhan Kelley (Class of 2012):

Though Allegra Marra (Class of 2014) is only a sophomore, she has already made her mark on Clark University. She is extremely passionate about advocating for solutions to both global and local problems. As a Making a Difference (MAD) Scholar, Allegra volunteers at Big Brothers Big Sisters and coordinated Just Do It Day 2012 where over 150 Clarkies volunteered in the Worcester community. She is also the treasurer of ONE Campus, which works to end extreme poverty and preventable disease in Africa. Though the topics can be difficult, Allegra still inspires and motivates others to join this extremely important movement. Whether she is lobbying on Capitol Hill or tabling in the UC, she always embodies the best qualities of an advocate and a leader.

Editor’s Corner

by Gwen Walsh

Of all of the articles I’ve read, questions I’ve asked, and opinions I’ve formed (and subsequently changed), of all the ideas that have passed through my brain over my last five years at Clark, the most valuable have been written in scarlet. I have a degree which claims I understand the history of art, and am a master at public administration, but when I look back on my education, I remember exciting interviews, journalistic dilemmas, and Thursday morning sunrises.

I found love and lifelong friendship in this office. But mostly, as corny as it sounds, I found myself. I found a way to combine my love of grammar with my fixation on justice, as well as a way to contribute to my community in a meaningful way. I found that designing print layout is one of my favorite things to do, and that sometimes the most rewarding parts of an experience are the things on the periphery, things that you didn’t anticipate but were better than you ever could have expected. I will take this wisdom with me into the world beyond Clark, but I know that at least once a week my mind will wander to the basement of 138 Woodland Street, and I’ll wish I were there, trying to balance in one of the dozen broken chairs and laughing hysterically with my fellow journalists. Because what could ever be more satisfying than a freshly pressed stack of Scarlets, brimming with our thoughts and creativity, waiting to be unbound and opened?

Police Logs

Wednesday, April 18
8:21 – RP states that they injured their ankle the previous day.
10:19 – Dizzy person in Bullock Hall.

Friday, April 20
23:05 – Foot Pursuit on main campus.

Saturday, April 21
11:04 – Removed homeless person from the UC.

Sunday, April 22
22:01 – Spill in the hallway at Maywood Hall.

In total, there were eleven calls for assisance, ten calls for escort, three investigations, nine suspicious persons, one threat, five counts of larceny, seven calls for EMS, one count of marijuana posession, two burglar alarms, two fire alarms, one disorderly person, and seven miscellaneous complaints this week.

Professor earns Guggenheim

Stephen DiRado speaks about his accomplishment and photography

By Ashley Klann

Clark professor of photography Stephen DiRado will join the 181 new Guggenheim fellows in 2012 for his work photographing naked hipsters at Martha’s Vineyard. Yes, you read that correctly.

The prestigious John Simon Guggenheim Fellow award goes to general scholars in many fields, including social science, science, humanities, and the arts.

“Our idea is to let people do their thing, do their work, to free them to create in ways they were meant to create,” said Edward Hirsch, President of the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Foundation, in a video issued via their Facebook account.

Aquinnah, MA, Sage, 2011. Photo by Stephen DiRado.

DiRado’s work has earned him many accolades in the past, and with this new grant, he plans to continue his passion.

To what do you attribute this award?

SD: I submitted a proposal to continue and expand my photography work on the island of Martha’s Vineyard, particularly emphasizing portraits of hipsters. And also by expamding my horizons by way of making films of that same group of people. Like it is mentioned in that film by Hirsch on how the Guggenheim judges, I had to jump through a number of hoops before my request for a fellowship was approved. Continue reading

Responsibility on both sides

Students and President Angel participate in focus groups about campus safety

By Gwen Walsh
Alumni Editor

Last week students met with President Angel to share perspectives on and experiences with campus safety, and discuss possible measures to improve Clark’s security.

A University Police cruiser in the Clark parking garage. Photo by Ashley Klann.

The meetings came in the wake of several alarming campus crime incidents, including the sexual assault at Clark in February. Since these focus groups, UP issued a “safety notification” about Clark police pursuing and confiscating the property of three minors after a strictly verbal, non-physical altercation initiated by Clark students, which gave rise to questions about UP policy and jurisdiction.

The safety forum was organized by former CUSC Vice President and Project Playground Community Outreach Coordinator Ali Canino, and consisted of three one-hour-long sessions with three to six students each. Angel and Canino attended all three sessions.

“Safety is something that we need to be constantly improving on,” Canino said. “And students are the ones that are going to have to wave the red flag.”

The purpose of the forum was to create an open, non-judgmental environment for students to talk candidly about their opinions, so most respondents will remain anonymous throughout this article. Continue reading


An opinion on the soon to come Johnson Sanford Center

By Natalie Beale
Scarlet Staff

Come fall, there will be some major changes on campus, mainly around Downing Street. For students, the greatest of these changes will be the merging of Johnson and Sanford Halls into the “Johnson Sanford Center” (or “JSC”) with “improvements” to the Fuller Quadrangle.

Students have received a few emails detailing the changes, and the Residential Life and Housing pages on the Clark website state that “the end result will be a large mixed class residential center with ammenities (sic) similar to those found in recently renovated Wright and BullockHalls.

Janford in all its glory... if Clark were in a video game. Photo courtesy of

The Johnson Sanford Center will feature new social, study, and multimedia lounge spaces; new improved Laundry facilities; an outdoor Roof Terrace, and elevator access to all levels.”

The website hops confusingly between present and past tense, such as “The Johnson Sanford Center is only a minute walk from the the Kneller Athletic Center” or “The Johnson Sanford Center Hall will feature shared common space,” indicating the suddenness with which these renovations are happening. This was evident in the confusing housing lottery this year that left some students with only the expensive Blackstone Hall from which to choose. (At this juncture I will take the opportunity to say that “Blackstone Hall” sounds like the home of an evil aristocrat with very pointy canines).

There are no doubt welcome improvements in the changes to Johnson and Sanford, particularly elevators for improved accessibility, as well as updated laundry facilities – the machines in Johnson’s basement have broken more than once. Continue reading

New faces at CUSC meeting

Corey Coose resigns from Judiciary Committee

By Jeremy Levine
Scarlet Staff

This week’s meeting of our esteemed elected representatives involved a number of personnel changes. First, Corey Coose, a respected member of the Judiciary Committee resigned in dramatic fashion, thanking Council members for their service and wishing everyone the best of luck, amidst the shrieking protests of his fellow Judiciary members.

The results of the April 16-17 elections are in, and CUSC swore in two new members as a result. Many other positions were contested but have resulted in ties or need to be sorted out otherwise. For the time being, Sharon Bort was sworn in as Hughes Hall Representative, and Tarikwa Leveille was sworn in as Minority Representative. CUSC also appointed a new webmaster, Michael Steele.

Four Grants Committee allocations were made this week. First, the Student Athletic Advisory Committee (SAAC) got $300 for an event this coming Sunday at the Dolan Field House. The event is called Wiffle Weekend, and the money is going towards shirts and pizza. They will be asking for donations for the Special Olympics at the event. Continue reading

News of the Weird

Five articles about Beer

By Claire Tierney
Scarlet Staff

Casually pished

The Lower House of Russia’s Parliament approved legislation earlier last year that will, for the first time, classify beer as an alcoholic beverage rather than as a soft drink. The drink is traditionally considered nothing more than a powerful “cola” due to the prominence of Russia’s primary beverage, vodka. Lately, however, Russians have preferred beer, as it allows them to casually drink in public places, regardless of the time of day.

Cancer-reducing beer

Japanese researchers have recently published work suggesting that beer has the ability to inhibit liver, prostate, colon, and rectal cancers in lab rats by as much as 50%. Beer controls heterocyclic amines, similar to other cancer-inhibiting foods like spinach or broccoli. Unlike spinach or broccoli, however, beer seems to be the superior choice in that only small amounts of it need to be consumed in order to enjoy its beneficial effects cancer-killing effects.

Thirsty work

Thirty-five year old Gail Hollis of Elkhorn, Wisconsin was charged with attempted robbery after she was spotted by an employee at the back of a convenience store carrying a rifle and attempting to put on a ski mask. Hollis said she knew the situation looked bad, but she had just come in from skeet shooting and wanted to purchase beer. Apparently beer sales were prohibited at that time of the morning. Continue reading

Leader of the week: Lavar Thomas

Leader of the Week is brought to you by Gryphon and Pleiades Honor Society, which is awarded to 12 seniors who personify the Gryphon and Pleiades motto, “Scholarship, Leadership, and Citizenship,” as demonstrated by outstanding achievement in academics, extracurricular activities, and community service.

The following is the nomination letter submitted  by Katie Spitz:

Lavar Thomas. Photo courtesy of Gryphon and Pleiades.

As a floor-mate of Lavar Thomas, class of 2014, I see the hard work and dedication this young man puts into his studies and extracurricular activities day after day. A former student at Kingsborough Community College, Lavar earned a 3.75 GPA. He is also part of the Kaplan Leadership Program which is awarded to community college students who excel in academics and demonstrate leadership.

Here at Clark, he is part of Millenium Leadership Conference where he is Financial Chair on E-Board, BSU, and FOCUS. In addition, Lavar maintains a 3.5 GPA and is a political science major here at Clark University and was recently accepted to the Duke University’s internship program for the upcoming summer.

Reconsidering the “racial epithet”

A discussion of the possible bias incident in Dana Hall

By Claire Tierney
Scarlet Staff

An e-mail to the Clark community on Spree Day about a “possible bias incident,” involving a “potential racial epithet” written in the basement of Dana Hall, was of particular interest to me this past week. You see, a series of phone calls amongst friends revealed that an acquaintance of mine was the perpetrator of the hateful words written on the board. It was also brought to my attention that the story was not as simple as the e-mail indicated. The e-mail read as follows:

“Tuesday evening some graffiti was written on a bulletin board in the basement of Dana Hall. There was a comment that said ‘Vote for Obama’ followed by an arrow that led to the words ‘snake ass’ and a potential racial epithet.”

An open forum was held last Thursday at 12 p.m., a time many students find themselves occupied with their many classes, meetings, internships or other appointments, in order for “community members to meet and process the incident.”

The notification e-mail states that the notification and meeting are “necessary for facilitating the healing process for the targeted person, group, and the entire community through campus dialogue and collective problem solving.” While this idealized notion of discussion and healing amongst a diverse group of Clark students, faculty, and other members of the Clark community sounds like the perfect fix for a hateful incident such as this, that is not what occurred in Dana Commons last Thursday at noon. Continue reading

Cougar of the Week: Andrew LeBlanc

By Mai Hayashi
Scarlet Staff

Photo by Mai Hayashi.

Name: Andrew LeBlanc
Year: Junior
Hometown: Farmington, CT
Sport: Baseball
Position: Pitcher

Q. How long have you been playing baseball and what made you start playing?

A. Since I was little. My parents got me into it. Being a fan of the Yankees helped.

Q. In the last three weeks, you have been named New England Women’s And Men’s Athletic Conference (NEWMAC) Pitcher of the Week twice. How do you feel about it?

A. I feel pretty good. I have great teammates here, and they always support me.

Q. How do you maintain your good condition and stay in shape?

A. I have just been working out in the gym.

Q. Do you notice any difference between this season and last season?

A. I had a really good year last season. Conditioning was great, and I was in good shape. But I feel a lot better and am more ready this year.

Q. Did you have any memorable moments?

A. I threw a no-hitter last year. I felt really good.

Q. How has baseball changed your life?

A. All of my best friends in high school and college are from a baseball team. We are growing up together. I have a really good relationship with them.

Q. What is your motivation?

A. I just think of getting better with my teammates and doing well. I have been improving every day.